Seven Tips for Choosing a Maid of Honor
Author: Blake Kritzberg
Choosing your Maid of Honor is more complicated than it looks.
Nowhere else in your wedding planning is it easier for vexing
problems to turn up! Why? Because the Maid of Honor's duties
are often vaguely defined, and worse, poorly communicated.
In fact, every bride has her own unique idea of what a Maid
of Honor should be. Which is fine - the trick is in communicating
those ideas!
So what does a Maid of Honor do? On one end of the spectrum,
she's a ceremonial figure who steps off the plane and walks
down the aisle before the other bridesmaids.
On the other, she's a master of precognition who soothes
your nerves before you know you're frazzled, helps you send
out your invites, "manages" the bridesmaids, spreads
the word on your registry, and offers up her thoughts on everything
from the venue to the dress.
Most often, the Maid of Honor is somewhere in the middle.
She leads the bachelorette party and/or bridal shower, and
tries to "be there" for the bride during the planning
process, and the ceremony itself.
All this flexibility leaves a lot of room for misunderstandings.
And they happen a lot. The world is full of brides who feel
hurt and let down by close friends as the big day draws near.
Do you want to be one of them? Of course not!
So here are some tips on choosing - and communicating with
- your Maid of Honor for minimum stress, and maximum happiness.
1) Define what you really want. Are you a do-it-yourself
bride, or do you want your Maid of Honor to be your right
hand all the way through?
If you're high-maintenance, accept and acknowledge it. Pick
someone who can truly be there for you, and let them know
exactly what you want. If you don't know anyone with that
much time or energy to give, think about finding help elsewhere.
Is your Fiance an active participant? Can your mother do more?
Maids of Honor are not supposed to be wedding co-planners
... unless they really, really want to be!
2) Tell her what you really want. More than one bride has
shed tears because a Maid of Honor couldn't read her mind.
For example: many brides wish their Maids of Honor could give
a little speech at the reception, but never get around to
asking them. If it's important to you, talk about it!
3) It doesn't have to be family. Never feel you "have
to" make a sister or other family your Maid of Honor.
If your best friend's a loyal trooper who goes with you on
all the errands, choose her. She deserves it.
4) Pick someone local if you need a lot of help. No one can
do much from 3000 miles away, no matter how badly they want
to.
5) Be realistic; look at past performance. Weddings are exciting.
People are human. When everything's new and you've just announced
your plans, lots of people will offer to help. But not everyone
will manage to follow through.
Who came through for you before the wedding? Who actually
managed to rearrange their schedules to be with you, even
when inconvenient? These are the people to rely on. No matter
how exciting your plans, they won't make an over committed
person more available to you. Avoid the trap of asking such
a person because you think your wedding will be "important
enough" for them to "change their ways," and
you'll avoid all the stress and hardship of a disappointing
Maid of Honor.
6) Be realistic; look at her life ahead. No matter what a
treasure your Maid of Honor is, she has limits, too. Is she
expecting a new baby? Is she working through a divorce? If
these things slow her down, which they probably will, can
you pick up the slack without feeling disappointed?
7) Consider more than one Maid of Honor if you just can't
decide. But keep in mind, this can cause problems too. Can
your Maids of Honor divide responsibilities, communicate well
and avoid feelings of jealousy?
Now that you've chosen, honor your Maid of Honor with a little
sign of how special she is to you. Take her out to a day spa,
or go together to have your hair done before the ceremony.
Pick out a dress for her that's a different color from the
other bridesmaids, or order her a bouquet with some special
touches. She deserves it!
Follow these tips, and you'll be the bride who spends that
all-important day surrounded by loving, warm friends at their
ease. Could anything be better?
| About the author: Blake Kritzberg is editor at "FavorIdeas.com."
Stop by for wedding favor ideas, Save-the-Date eCards,
free wedding screensaver, free wedding templates and Bridezilla's
weekly adventures at: http://www.favorideas.com |
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